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the worst day came again , yet still struggling… i wont give up damn it…if i dont and damt it if i do

NEW YEAR

hoping that this coming year will be good and fair enough for me .   wish me luck guys…

dawn

sa likod bahay namin

img_5987

Kilala mo ba ang nanay at tatay mo? Ah alam ko ang pangalan

nya …classmate ko sya / artista sya / bestfriend ko sya/

DYOWA ko sya / ako ang nagpalaki s kanya / ilang taon ko na

syang kasama…. Ilang mga salitang madalas nating isagot s tanong kung kilala mo ba sya at ano ba ang taong ito sayo…Ganun din naman ako. Pano nga ba natin makikilala ang mga tao s  paligid natin? Or should I say kilala ba natin ang sarili natin, kung ano tayo?  Sa isang pilosopong sagot OO naman…ows pano ka

nakasiguro? AKO dati akala ko kilala ko at alam ko kung sino

ang magulang ko…kung sino ako….hindi pala…WAIT!!!! di di

ako ampon…Ganito kasi yun igan,,,maupo ka muna at magkape

habang binabasa mo ito…Dati sabi ko kilala ko ang tatay ko … MASUNGIT!!!   MAHIGPIT!!! DI SYA MARUNONG BIRUIN!!!  PARANG DI SYA MARUNONG UMINTINDI NG MGA PAGKAKAMALI NG ANAK NYA!!!  GINAGAWA NYA AKONG ROBOT!!!

…..Ng malakas pa sya ganun sya, TAKOT ako sa kanya,,,pero ng tumanda na sya at mahina na ang dating takot ko sa kanya nadun pa rin, may sama ako ng loob s kanya, kasi ni minsan di ko naranasan ang laya tulad ng iba…as teen di ko naranasan makipag party, ang gumala hanggang gusto ko… ang mag decide ng sarili ko ….pati ng sasabihin ko…

MAHAL BA NYA AKO??? stupidong tanong di ba..pero yan ang tanong sa isip ko..habang lumalaon lalo syang humina naging sakitin…at dahil wala ng hanapbuhay di na nya makuhang bilhin ang gusto nya…ng mag katrabaho na ako IM FREE  IM FREE …lumayo ako nagtrabaho sa QC… syempre pa stay in ..AYOKO umuwi…masaya ako di ko sila na mimiss ..sinong baliw ang makakamiss n araw araw sermon konting mali batok…

Minsan dumaan ang pinsan ko sa work ko ..OY BRUHA  di ka ba uuwi, sabi ng tatang mo pang abroad ka raw anim na buwan na di mo man lang naiispang umuwi…NAKU echos ka dyan… busy ako alam naman na delikado ang pasyenteng hawak ko at di pwedeng ipagkatiwala sa iba… HA !!!e mabuti pa yang ibang tao inaalagaan mo samantalng si tatang mo me sakit di mo man lang nasilip… HMMP!!! e diabetis naman ang sakit nya at nagpapadala naman ako ng pera kahit papano…,,,,,,SPECIAL OFFER SOYA MILK MAM ..kuya magkano yan 70 2box…hmmm ok yan sugar free pa. pabiling 4… O eto pakidala kay tatang saka may mga prutas pa akong nabili kanina pakisabi na pagaling sya baka sa undas umuwi ako…
Sa sarili ko napilitan lang ako pero alam ko na tama naman ang ginawa ko kaya lang di kusa…AFTER a week tumawag si insan RRRIIIINNNGGG!!!!!!  RRRRIIIINNNNGGG!!!!! Alam mo tuwang tuwa sya sa padala mo, lumakas daw sya kahit sino nga ang magpunta dun sa inyo ipinakikita nya nag padala mo….ewan ko ba naluha ako…di ko alam…pakiramdam ko ba parang isang batang naglalambing at tuwang tuwa sa isang pasalubong…TEKA bakit nga ba ako naluha ??? Dahil ba sa naapreciate nya nag padala ko, o dahil sa naguilty ako dahil sa loob ko alam ko naman na di ko kusang loob yun kumbaga sa akin e walang halaga yun kasubuan lang napilitan , pero para sa kanya napakahalaga pala nun…napahiya ako sa sarili ko ang sama sama ko….

Ng umuwi ako WOW paborito ulam…kabuti…sabi ni inang…Kumain ka na ipinaluto yan ng tatang mo alam nya na uuwi ka…lumaki ako na di gaano malapit sa kanya pagdating magmamano ganun lang walang usapan , walang kamustahan …sa loob ko ang sarap naman …nakaupo ako sa wsanga ng madre cacao sa tabi ng ilog sa aming bakuran…ang daming bata naliligo sa ilog ang saya saya nila….nung araw di ako pwedeng maligo dito mapapalo ako….kaya natuto akong lumangoy sa sarili ko patago kasi palo ako…ng may sumigaw SAKLOLO yung anak ni aling Tessie nalunod…mabilis akong bumaba at ng makita ko ang bata patay na…naisip ko..siguro kaya ganun na lang ang paghihigpit ni tatang sa akin kasi baka ako malunod…PERO kung di ko sinuway ang gusto nya baka hanggang ngayon di ako marunong maglangoy…

Ilang panahon pa ang nagdaan di na sya katulad ng dati na madaldal, masungit, palasigaw at palasermon…pero bakit ba kung lelan di na sya nagsasalita saka ko unti unting nauunawaan ang mga paalala nya…..ganun pa man marami pa ring bagay na di ko sya maintindihan..dumating ang pagkakataon ng binawian sya ng buhay….umiyak ako…natural naman yun kapag namatayan ng pamilya…akala ko habang tumatagal magiging madali,,,makakalimutan ko…pero di pala…Ngayong wala na sya lalo ko syang nakikilala ngayon ko naaapreciate ang mga bagay na ginagawa nya…dati kapag umuuwi sya may uwi syang pandesal ..e ano ang bago dun e talaga namang nagtitinda sya ng pandesal…kapag tanghali may uwi syang ice drop at dry ice na laruan ko ..e ano ang bago dun e nagtitinda naman sya ng ice drop…ha ha ha natatandaan ko nung minsan may nagbirthday kaming kapitbahay di ako imbitado kasi mahirap lang kami at walang pambili ng regalo…umiyak ako sa tabi kasi gustong gusto ko ng lobo….sinigwan nya ako anu daw iniiyak ko…natakot ako kaya tumahan ako tinanong ako ni inang kaya sinabi ko na gusto ko nga ng lobo…anak pan mayayaman lang yan…

INE !!!  INE!!! asan ka ba bata ka…bakit po…eto ang lobo…ha! e bakit ganyan mga plastic na nakabilot na parang may polbo, ibat ibang kulay pero may tungkil sa dulo…lobo ba talaga ito..hipan mo kasi para lumobo…HMMPPP aba lumobo nga …ang galing ang dami dami kong lobo…  HOY bata bakit may CONDOM ka sabi ng lasing naming kapitbahay,,,ANUNG CONDOM KA DYAN LOBO TO UWI NI TATANG,,, ha ha ha bata pa kasi ako nuon di ko nga alam kung ano yung condom at san ginagamit ang natatandaan ko lang nang hipan ko mapait yung lasa ng pulbos at saka maski lumobo na ayaw lumipad…hmm yung condom ngayon walang pulbos instead lubricant saka di mapait ang lasa may flavor pa nga ha ha ha…tumulo luha ko….mahirap lang kasi kami s kagustuhan siguro ni tatang na mapasaya ako gumawa sya paraan para mabigyan ako….

Ilang taon na syang wala pero may mga turo sya sa akin na ngayon ko lang naiintindihan, mga bagay na nagpapakita ng pagmamahal pero ngayon ko lang nararamdaman….mga paalala at paghihigpit na ngayon ko pinakikinabangan…tinuruan nya ako na maging matatag at wag basta susuko…disiplina sa sarili…bakit ngayon ko lang nalalaman nagyon na wala na sya na gusto ko mang magpasalamat sa kanya dahil ngayon ko pinakikinabangan ang anumang ibinahagi nya sa buhay ko para patatagin ako at para ihanda ako…

PHYSICALLY WALA NA SYA ….PERO ANG MGA ALA ALA NYA AT MGA PANGARAL NARITO KASAMA KO…..

The five stages of grief, as outlined by Dr. Kubler-Ross include denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Let’s take a closer look at each individual stage. First Stage- Denial and Isolation In the first stage, denial and isolation, a person denies to him or herself and to everyone around him that a loss has occurred. The person fights the reality of the situation by denying that there even is one. Often a person withdraws from his/her social activities and spends more and more time by himself. This stage can last for hours, days, and sometimes weeks, depending on the individual and the impact of the loss. Second Stage- Anger In the second stage, that of anger, a person is angry- angry at him/herself for the loss that took place, angry at the loved one who died for letting it happen and just plain angry at the world. On a rational level the person knows that none of what transpired was his/her fault but is functioning on a purely emotional level at this particular juncture. Third Stage- Bargaining The third stage is bargaining which can often occur either before or after a loss and usually involves bargaining with God. A person suffering may ask of God, “If I do this (or don’t do this) will you make the pain go away?” Or sometimes a person will say something to God along these lines, “If you make it not so, I promise that I will …” Fourth Stage- Depression The fourth stage is depression, and it takes place when the pain in the form of anger and despondency reaches its height and causes the grieving person to feel numb and deadened inside. The numbness leads to feelings of depression and usually a great deal of lethargy. Some people entertain thoughts of suicide at this stage. This stage is also the easiest to get stuck in. Fifth Stage- Acceptance The fifth and final stage, that of acceptance, completes the process. The mourning period with all of its roller coaster emotions begins to dissipate at this time and the grieving person is now ready to accept the reality of what has taken place. True healing cannot occur until there is acceptance of the loss. Once that happens, the person is free to move on The five stages of grief, as outlined by Dr. Kubler-Ross include denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Let’s take a closer look at each individual stage. First Stage- Denial and Isolation In the first stage, denial and isolation, a person denies to him or herself and to everyone around him that a loss has occurred. The person fights the reality of the situation by denying that there even is one. Often a person withdraws from his/her social activities and spends more and more time by himself. This stage can last for hours, days, and sometimes weeks, depending on the individual and the impact of the loss. Second Stage- Anger In the second stage, that of anger, a person is angry- angry at him/herself for the loss that took place, angry at the loved one who died for letting it happen and just plain angry at the world. On a rational level the person knows that none of what transpired was his/her fault but is functioning on a purely emotional level at this particular juncture. Third Stage- Bargaining The third stage is bargaining which can often occur either before or after a loss and usually involves bargaining with God. A person suffering may ask of God, “If I do this (or don’t do this) will you make the pain go away?” Or sometimes a person will say something to God along these lines, “If you make it not so, I promise that I will …” Fourth Stage- Depression The fourth stage is depression, and it takes place when the pain in the form of anger and despondency reaches its height and causes the grieving person to feel numb and deadened inside. The numbness leads to feelings of depression and usually a great deal of lethargy. Some people entertain thoughts of suicide at this stage. This stage is also the easiest to get stuck in. Fifth Stage- Acceptance The fifth and final stage, that of acceptance, completes the process. The mourning period with all of its roller coaster emotions begins to dissipate at this time and the grieving person is now ready to accept the reality of what has taken place. True healing cannot occur until there is acceptance of the loss. Once that happens, the person is free to move on

ZODIAC

Astrology Sign The Chinese Zodiac Signs Twelve Signs make up the Chinese Zodiac. Legend has it, the twelve animals were summoned by Buddah to a race. The order in which they completed the race would determine the ranking order of the signs. In order to test the animals, Buddah charted the course across land and sea. The clever rat, knowing there was no chance for victory, surveyed the group of animals and decided that the best option was to climb onto the back of the ox who was capable of moving fast across land, strong enough to move through rough terrain, and could swim across water. Just as they neared the finish line, the Rat jumped off and thus became the first sign! Click on an animal below to learn more about each of the twelve signs. Rat Buffalo Tiger Rabbit Dragon Snake Horse Goat Monkey Rooster Dog Pig Free Reading Yearly Horoscope Discover the secrets of the Chinese Zodiac. This free report will star you on a journey towards the answers you have been seeking Gender Male Female Birthday Email Time Zone Please Enter A Valid Date Web OnlineChineseAstrology Chinese Horoscopes Daily Chinese Horoscope Year of the Metal Tiger Year of the Earth Ox Year of the Earth Rat Astrology Reports Relationship and Compatibility Calculator Live Astrology Readings Personal Reports 2010 Personal Forecast 2010 Chinese Almanac Four Pillars Of Destiny Three Blessings The New Astrology Love Match Report Love Match Reading Personal Relationship Nine Star Ki Zodiac Sign Analysis Element Analysis Diary of Destiny Chinese Astrology Blog Celebrity Pages Blog Profiles Chinese Zodiac Signs Rat Horse Ox Sheep Tiger Monkey Rabbit Rooster Dragon Dog Snake Pig Chinese Zodiac Elements Wood Earth Fire Water Metal Home | Horoscopes | About us | Contact us | Advertisers | Affiliates | Sitemap | Links